I feel so overwhelmed these days.
If you've been following my work for a while you know that I took a 4 year break from uploading videos on youtube and I recently made a come back of some sort. I've been uploading on Tuesdays, Fridays and now also Sundays. Initially it was really exciting to do something consistent and continuously share the things I love. But throughout this process I've learned I'm not good at planning. However, posting regularly definitely takes quite a bit of planning.
I realize that when I used to upload videos, it was never a set schedule. It was honestly - whenever I felt like it. Sometimes I didn't upload for months and sometimes I uploaded 3 days back to back.
I'm such a feeler. I'm an INFP "The Mediator" (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception) - basically known as “Children of the Myers Briggs World”. We're total idealists and dreamers, always trying to see the best in everyone and everything. Out of the 16 personality types, INFP's are referred to as the Healers. They're driven by a strong sense of right and wrong and a desire to exercise their creativity.
I think this is why I like blogging. It helps me say what I actually want to say. It's not quite as eloquent or organized as I would like it to be, but it's a way to tidy my scattered thoughts.
There are so many things I struggle with because of my INFP personality. I'll share some with you here. I'm sure only my fellow INFP readers will fully understand, there aren't many of us so I know it's frustrating but you're not alone!
People always mistake me for an extravert because I love to entertain and make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves. This happens often in a setting with a lot of people. Crowds make me incredibly uncomfortable so I'll usually be extra goofy to cover up how awkward I'm feeling inside.
This can be exhausting, I'll literally go home and crawl up in a ball in my bed or cry after being around a lot of people for an extended period of time.
It's weird because it's not that INFP's don't like people. Generally we care too much about other people and it's so intense that the company of others can become overwhelming. Confusing, I know.
My heart literally hurts because I care so much. I feel like life would be so much easier if I just didn't care. But I don't know how to switch that feeling off.
I'm terrified of meeting new people and shy but I'm more terrified of being rude and not talking, so I'll force myself to be conversational - this is usually painfully awkward.
INFP's are incredibly shy and incredibly sensitive. We also read into thing WAY too much.
We'll often misinterpret text messages and think people are mad at us because of punctuation or lack of emojis.
We'll always be the one who apologizes and we'll feel bad, even when it's not our fault.
INFP's get caught up in their work very easily. On days I'm writing or working on something creative, I'll start in the morning and before I know it, it'll be sundown. I basically can't stop until I finish and I'll forget to eat. Which is the WORST. Because I love eating. I once started editing a video and didn't stop for 13 hours. I really had to pee.
Sometimes I blurt things in conversations that barely have anything to do with what we're talking about but it's because it reminded me of one thing that lead to another thing that related to what we were talking about. Also because if I don't say it in that exact moment, I'll forget. This is borderline worse because of my INFP personality & my forgetfulness combined.
INFP's are heartbroken constantly when they have great ideas. We love sharing them and we get so excited about our dreams. But it usually never goes as planned. I know for me it usually leads to someone poking holes in every logical flaw and crushing my dreams. Like even starting this new blog, all my friends said I was crazy to think I'd be able to blog everyday!
Despite all this we still perceive the best in everyone and everything, this leads to lots of betrayal and being used all the time. But we never stop believing or having hope that people are good.
INFP's are also great listeners. I've definitely had a bunch of friends that I'm pretty sure only kept me around for free counseling sessions. Which I don't really mind because although I'm not a licensed therapist, I have my BA in Psychology and it's nice to feel like I'm making use of that degree someway or another.
INFP's are good at turning a superficial conversation with a stranger into a deep metaphor that reflects the greater meaning of life. This can also be awkward when the other person really didn't want to have a conversation. I know because it's happened to me at college campuses after my talks. Sometimes I feel like I should just shut up.
Laughing randomly in public because I remembered something funny. Super awkward when it happens during a meeting or a serious setting.
But then not laughing at something everyone else is laughing at. I'm also the one laughing during a movie in moments no one else is laughing and not laughing when everyone else is laughing... thanks friends for still watching movies with me.
Anytime you're in a public setting you have at least a few face palm moments and you wish there was an "undo button" or a "rewind button" because you said or did something stupid or awkward.
I know it's hard to open up and be vulnerable with people but learning these things about your personality can help you over compensate or even change the things you don't like. I've learned to be vulnerable with a few friends, it took me many years but none of my friends are INFP and they still totally see all this, get it and accept me for who I am. So there's hope! You just have to try.
Feeling like a complete weirdo, being overly sensitive, shy and free spirited might suck at times but be happy because we're only 4% of the population, that makes us pretty special.
Also this might be TMI but I've been working on this post all day and I think I've finally finished and now I've realized I really have to pee and eat. The struggle is real.
Fun fact, INFPs you may recognize: Audrey Hepburn, John Lennon, Johnny Depp, William Shakespeare, Princess Diana, Julia Roberts, Alicia Keys, Lisa Kudrow and Tom Hiddleston