I can't believe it's already Wednesday, feels like the week is flying by. I had another audition this afternoon. These days I feel like most my days are filled with prepping auditions and auditioning. This is basically an actor's life when you're not already committed to a show or a film. I'm still waiting for a project that really excites me but I actually liked today's audition. She's a sassy, free spirited and wild character. I wouldn't mind being her every day. We'll see how it goes. The waiting game continues.
I used to put a great deal of focus on perfectly delivering the words on the page and trying to be exactly what they were looking for. Overly prepared but stiff & boring. Now I'm putting more emphasis on just being free and having fun. Making the words on the page authentic and real to me. Auditions are stressful and draining but this may be my only opportunity to be that girl, so might as well make it a good one!
I've noticed if I do the work and I study, a lot of it's like muscle memory so if I focus more on having fun it takes a lot of the pressure off. It's still hard not to stress when you get 2 minutes to book a job and there's plenty of other girls in the room just as capable and talented. Like Emma Stone's audition scene in La La Land, that scene stung my heart a bit because I know that feeling too well. This is a very clear reminder that actors are expendable, we're definitely not few and far between. But every field has it's own difficulties so whatever your work is, try to have more fun and worry less because in the end of the day a lot of it isn't in your control. Change of attitude can help work feel less like work and lift a lot of weight off your shoulders.
I hate failing and being disappointed in myself, I used to count every audition I didn't book as a failure. But I've changed my perspective. Instead of focusing on the end result and letting that define whether it was a success or failure, every audition is a chance for me to challenge myself to try something new, experiment, grow and act. I've been focusing more on working hard, doing my best and walking away satisfied. We generally get about 12-24 hours to prep an audition, so it's a lot of "cramming", if you're in school, you can imagine it's similar to studying for finals - every day. So after I've done the work, I want to walk in, perform it and walk away feeling great because I did the absolute best I could. I used to always want "affirmation". How did I do? Did I do well? Did they like me? But now it doesn't matter. Honestly, regardless of how "well" I do, I might not book the job because my hair was too long or I wasn't the right size or color. I did some silly stuff in my audition today but I went out of my comfort zone and committed to the character so I'm incredibly happy.
Here's a cup of coffee and a word of advice. Care less about what people think of you and be content with YOU. There is no measure of success and failure especially if you're working hard and doing your best. If you don't try because you're afraid to fail you've already failed but if you try your best, you can call it a success. Cheers.